Monday, November 9, 2009

University College: Redundant AND Haunted



Sometimes I enjoy where I work insofar as it gives me the opportunity to explore some incredibly fascinating spaces. Imbued with layers of strange and complex history -- a true rarity in Toronto -- University College certainly approaches new levels of weirdness that bear no comparison.

Designed by Frederick Cumberland and built in 1857, the structure eschews the classical aesthetic generally employed by like institutions in favour of a Romanesque constitution -- a style which the architect concluded suited the northern climes of Toronto. This is enhanced by UC's tendency toward Norman architectural elements which, if one is able to experience them firsthand, are marvellously executed by its masons. In fact, one of the most striking aspects of UC is that every capital, moulding and gargoyle is entirely unique and, in some cases, invested with the most sordid of histories ...

THE LEGEND OF DIABOLOS & REZNIKOFF



The following excerpt is derived from Richardson, D. A Not Unsightly Building: University College and Its History. (Mosaic Press, 1990, p. 146.) :

"Two stone carvers were part of the construction of the original University College building, and from them, the legend of Diabolos and Reznikoff has descended to us.

Ivan Reznikoff was a huge man, with a violent temper. Paul Diabolos was a sculptor who worked next to him; pale, young, handsome and of a subtle nature.

Their physical appearance and temperament were reflected in their work. Diabolos is credited with much of the best-carved work in the east wing of University College, destroyed in the fire of 1890. He is also said to have used Reznikoff’s hideous face, “more like a baboon than a man,” as a model for one of the two gargoyles by the chimney between Croft Chapter House and the small cloister. Meanwhile, around the corner, Reznikoff toiled, drinking deeply from a flask he kept inside his shirt. He is said to have sculpted a gargoyle in the chimney that showed all the earmarks of a drunkard’s touch.

The two were in love with the same woman. Reznikoff had promised to marry her, and they had saved together for this. But Diabolos persuaded her to go west with him, taking Reznikoff’s savings with them. Before they could leave, they were discovered, and on the empty worksite the two men confronted each other.

In the confines of the cloister at the southwest corner of the building, with a workman’s axe, Reznikoff attacked Diabolos, who carried a dagger. They found and wrestled like wild animals, until the giant Reznikoff backed his enemy against the door and struck with his axe. But Diabolos had clutched the iron handle of the door, and, as the blow descended, the door swung inwards. The axe cut deep into the oak door where the scar is still to be seen.

Diabolos fled through the unfinished interior of the building, pursued by Reznikof… along the corridor, into entrance hall and up one flight of stone steps to the second floor. There he listened as his enemy climbed slowly towards him. He could not escape down the opposite flight of steps which were blocked with mason’s tools, piles of boards, and broken stone.

He stood for several seconds thinking that his time had come, but turned and ran up the wooden stairs to the third floor, where he hid in the angle of the tower. When Reznikoff came into view, he pounced on him with his dagger. There was a sudden thud, a groan, and Ivan Reznikoff was stretched dead on the floor.

To conceal the body, Diabolos threw it down the well, over which the circular staircase leading to the top of the tower was built. What became of Diabolos and the woman, we do not know.

But Reznikoff haunted the vicinity of the tower and Chapter House for many years, and it was only since his bones were found after the fire of 1890 and were consigned to a decent grave, that he left the College in peace. His burial place is said to be under a maple tree at the northeast corner of the quadrangle. Rumour also has it that his head was never found, and that a skull discovered much later may belong to him.

However, even today people report that late at night in the College, there are creaking and banging noises that cannot be explained …"

***

Although I have yet to experience any supernatural phenomena the undeniable creepiness of working mere steps from the stone visages of the two men gives me an immense, deliciously macabre pleasure. That said, University College as a whole, with its meandering corridors and host of creepy, carved chimera, is spooky to boot.





Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Got Hit By A Car And All I Got Was This Lousy Continuation of Life

... or imitation of life (completely unrelated to the film or book, and more to do with our simulacrum of a one-sided conversation). Anyway, nothing spells 'Saturday Night' quite like nursing my battered, albeit remarkably unbreakable body with a bag full of Epsom salts, 50 litres of hot water and an All New and Improved (We)Blog Post! Actually, I welcome the lazy self-care despite the fact that I find it weirdly embarrassing not to face injury with gruff machismo by pushing my physical capabilities even further than usual. Laughable? Certainly, since I fit the bill of PeeWee Herman's 95 lb. weakling ... but anyone that knows me (which isn't many) will attest to my incredibly high tolerance for pain and/or my (frail-looking) bones of steel. Anyway, I'm sort of insane when it comes to self-reliance ... and really, I'm not horribly injured anyway -- just the usual bumps and full-body charliehorse cramps associated with being t-boned by a car and rolling off the hood. This sort of thing happens all the time to me anyway.

*** In Other News ***

I always have a rant about this sort of thing and I promise I'll keep it short BUT

...

I really, really hate the mnemonic crutch that is the iPhone. Again, this is an aspect of my insane self-reliance issue, but I cannot conceive of placing my trust in a device that seems so worryingly susceptible. Of course, that posits my brain as being somehow less susceptible (?) which opens up further philosophical inquiry I am too flippant to broach right now ... but, as was instilled in me from an early age by my Dad, Spock, and the other robotic figureheads in my life, if you cannot trust in the power of your own mind, what do you have, really? In a sense, Self can be conveyed as an astute determination of function/necessity, and what necessity does an iPhone fulfill? Nothing I can figure, although it's pretty obvious that necessity and convenience are virtually interchangeable to most people, and that novelty supersedes practicality almost every time. Do I really need to have that amorphous pool of questionable knowledge known as the Internet at my fingertips? Do I need to stave off the limits of my short attention span with apps? Do I need to reach and remain reachable to everyone, all of the time? Personally, no (particularly on that last part), but I prefer experience and the joy found in the quest for information -- exploration and spontaneity, not immediacy and the loss of the need to remember.

Anyway, when I say "necessity" I don't mean it in that Maslow's hierarchy of needs kind of way ... actually, I don't know what the fuck I mean ... 

Haha, I guess what it means is that I'm having a personality crisis. Maybe what I "need" right now is to give into some seductively soporific (and alliterative) meds and take a nap.

L8Z 4VR LOL!!!!11!!!!1

Your Rambling Maestro,



DIANATRON 4000

Monday, November 2, 2009

C'est l'hallowe'en: AN UNIMAGINATIVE RECAP

... and how better to celebrate then to dress up like a lame French-Canadian superhero from a shitty 1980's comic book about Canada's answer to the X-Men? Oh yes -- I'm talking Alpha Flight. Despite the absence of both Marrina and Shaman (who broke his face cycling the night before -- so much for his Medicine Bag), we represented the rest of the team with drunken, half-assed aplomb at Skullfest: A Festival of Skulls. 





Needless to say, I was handsomely outfitted as Aurora and Manale as my gay twin brother Northstar. 



Despite the obscene crotch factor of our outfits, high kicks and other hijinx ensued, including DJ antics by yours truly -- in front of three film projections, no less. Accompanying me on soundtrack duties? Miss Wilkins and Jay Ferguson, aka Uncle Sloan.






... naturally, we were duly ignored by the crowd. Incidentally, if you can pick out the Electro costume in the following photo, KUDOS.



I assume everyone was too cracked out on hi-fructose-corn-syrup-and-TBHQ-laden treats, or on Pammy's fantastical baked goods (sold on the table top despite squatting beneath it).



... ALL IN ALL A FABULOUS, WHOLESOME TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.

La Fin.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Nanomancer

There's a palpable (if obvious) irony to the incredible capability of the person who can manipulate the most finely-tuned machinery and the devastating social inepitiude of that same person. Such is the predicament of the common engineer, and more specifically the case of the engineers -- however likable -- who work in the e-beam nanolithography lab at ECTI. With their awkward chivalry and innocently condescending physics explanations, the boys let me photograph their insane laboratory (with more than a few stutters and flushed cheeks). The result? Some mildly interesting images (plus a free spacesuit like you see below!):







E-beam nanolithography is rather fascinating. Obviously my understanding of the whole process is Wikipedia-level elementary, but as a social thinker I can't help but ponder the terrifying applications ... being able to write, for example, the entirety of War & Peace millions of times on the head of a pin? Staggering. At the time I took these photos, two projects were being approached simultaneously: one, the design of a new bio-chip with applications for Cancer detection, and two, an "optical nose" for detecting gases. I wish I could divulge just how the Hell these things are meant to work, but in lieu of specifics I might recommend that you revisit your teenaged cyperpunk years and read Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age ....

... and then, you know, we can watch Ghost in the Shell and talk about William Gibson and the awesomeness of our 14.4K dial-up modems while listening to Orbital's Halcyon and On and On. Not that I ever did that or anything ...

Anyway, further reading for the socially inept (i.e. the science-mided):

The Journal of Micro/Nanolithography, MEMS, MOEMS;

and for everyone else, even more embarassing 1996 redux.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Insularity of Academic Life



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I Endured Six Years of University and All I Got was this Stupid Job

... drawing inside jokes for administrators. I have no fucking clue what this is for, but I drew it anyway (in exchange for a free lunch).



... that said, I do enjoy my office space, replete with inappropriate artwork (my own, along with some Basil Wolverton, Nick Di Genova and Kozyndan), Sulu mug, Play-Doh, Record Player, Pantone Books, Hot Wheels, Alien and Chekov figurines, Nathan's Peleda wind-up toy, 3-D glasses, Rubik's cube, miniature Eiffel tower, Hulk keychain, Buzz Lightyear, mortar and pestle (from a professor I photographed), Transformers sunglasses, postcards and Hooters coupons, Toronto Raptor's water bottle and Batman glass.



I should also add that I've ended up on the cover of the Bulletin looking as gorgeous as ever -- sheesh.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Ch-ch-ch-changes

A Modification ...

No one ever looks at my moronic WebLog™ and that's perfectly all right. With that in mind, I've been in the process of turning it into an irrelevant, ongoing diatribe that no one will ever read -- interspersed, of course, with random drawings and tidbits. Enjoy it!*

* Directed exclusively at myself.

A Clarification ...

Lately the amorphous masses have collectively been challenging my illustration technique, i.e. the consensus is that I make everything in Adobe Illustrator. Not true! I am a marker fiend, and these are my weapons of choice: Copic multiliners and Ciao markers. I usually draw on 110 lb. toothy paper, but napkins and human arms are just as good.

A Laugh ...

In this video for Canada's Crappiest Band, which is filmed both in- and outside my apartment, I am the silver alien:

Sorry, Thoreau

Illustration for the Bulletin:





The above was for a story on the correlation between immoral behaviour and the consumption of green products. The contention is that people who consume environmentally-friendly products are subject to less altruistic behaviours -- including lying and stealing -- than those who purchase conventional products. You can read the original report here.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

FRIDAY friday (friday)



LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: WELCOME TO VIOLENCE, THE WORD AND THE ACT.

Girls, take a page out of Varla, Rosie and Billie's book, 'cause spending your days underscoring bullshit with eyeliner is getting pretty goddamned tired. Act demure? Please -- we all know that you'd rather fight, dance, drink, fart, fuck and cram a fully-loaded 12" corn dog into your lipgloss-coated maw -- ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Well, what are you waiting for? Life isn't slowing down and it ain't a secret: most of you lost your virginity to the sound of the dot com era crashing, meaning you're as good as legal-age-gravy for the golden trio of whiskey, votin' and lovin'. Now, at Girls' Night Out we don't give a hint of a whiff of a shit about elections and our love lives are already hotter than a half-fucked fox in the heart of Africa ... 

so how 'bout some of that one-hundred-percent?!

---------------------------------------

GIRLS' NIGHT OUT
With Pammm (Lipstick, Cherry), Jaime Sin (Seventh Heaven Dream Disco / Love Saves The Day) and McNasty (U of T)
Friday, October 9th 2009
The Ossington
10 pm | FREE
Boys allowed, but douchebags will be shot.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Nuit Douche

The aesthetics of feeling underwhelmed:


Rabbit Balloon 2007
Jeff Koons
Toronto Eaton Centre


Vodka Pool
Dan Mihaltianu
25 King Street West


Wild Ride
Shawna Dempsey & Lorri Millan
Bay Street between Adelaide and King Streets


MasterBlendz
Food Jammers
Hart House, U of T


Drop Out
Hart House, U of T
________________________

The rewards of fucking off with your friends:


PDA abuse.


Getting a patchy Grace Jones makeover.


Pam making Pam Face.


Manale making Turbonegro Face.


Adam making Cunnilingus Face.


Lauren making Pensive Corn-Eating Face.


Clown Bin making Clown-Bin-Barfing-Up-Corn Face.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A Narcissistic Interlude

Being me sure beats living in Darfur. Here's why:

1. Nick Cave is vaguely amused by gay-themed drawings that I make of him. Thanks to Kevin Ritchie for thrusting my portrait on him at Indigo.


The original (reposted):


2. Kozyndan have committed my gorgeous visage to paper. As a short story contributor to their new book, The Unknown Portraits, they were forced to draw me. THRILLS! 

The book:


The official rendering:


A second, unofficial rendering at Narwhal Art Projects' book launch:



Also, tonight I am being paid to get drunk, run around with a trillion dollar camera and gawk at corporate art -- all thanks to Nuit Blanche and the university where I grudgingly hold down a day job. Incidentally, my friend Brad has a piece on display out behind the Keg on Adelaide -- check it out and then order yourself a billion dollar shrimp cocktail.

Thank you God for my petty life of leisure!


Saturday, August 29, 2009

Black Dahlia

See title. Unfortunately nobody seems to know who Elizabeth Short is anymore ... and by anymore, I mean since about the mid-20th Century. Regardless, observe this, and additionally this:

Friday, July 31, 2009

Hi/Lo


Nagel does Alice Krige.



Lichtenstein does Alpha Flight.

Body Break

Dougie may be a DJ, but he's also the nicest guy (yes -- being a DJ and not being an asshole CAN be reconciled). Anyway, this tidbit of disgusting CanCon was for his latest mix.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

with love, Dirty Diana